The Enneagram: Learn Your Number (pt. 1)

The Dependent Social Style: Are you a 1, 2, or 6 on the Enneagram?   If you have been told that you are sometimes quiet in social situations and bold and outgoing in others, that you seem to be the first to move toward others, or that you are often a rule follower, then perhaps you are one of these three numbers.    This grouping of types is known as the dependent social stance. They are the ones that "move with or toward the world." These numbers wait to see what is happening around them and then act depending on what seems to be needed.   Those in this group of numbers act or feel first and think about it later; this is sometimes referred to as "thinking repressed." Each number does it differently, but it is a common denominator.    According to the Enneagram, we are all beings that think, feel and act, but we all do one of these things first, and one of these things last. So these numbers think last, or, in the case of Type 6, they think so much that they often aren't productive with their thinking and get caught in a circuitous tornado of internal dialogue.   Finally, these numbers are known for allowing the present to inform them more than the past or the future. They often act on the moment.   Each number on the Enneagram is described below in healthy space, average space, and unhealthy space. We move into these spaces back and forth, freely, as if on a spectrum.    Of course, some may spend more time in unhealthy or healthy spaces than others, but regardless, the path to transformation begins by being aware of these things.   These are basic introductions to the 1, 2, and 6.   Type 1: The Reformer    Those who are a Type 1 on the Enneagram have the need to be perfect. As children, they felt they weren't valuable unless they were good. This led to them avoiding mistakes in all facets of life and striving for perfection. In addition, they often felt like they needed to be the "hero" of the family, which led to shouldering lots of responsibility at a young age.   At their best, people who are a Type 1 have a vision for how things could be. They are great at seeing things in an improved state and work to make that happen. They make order out of chaos and provide hope to others who don't have the same vision that they do. They are hard workers and complete the tasks that they are given. They are honest, ethical, and reliable.   When they are in average space, they may be bogged down by the weight of their idealism. They may be highly critical and quick to judge others. But, on the other hand, they may act aloof and self-righteous, assuming they are better than others because of their high morals.   In an unhealthy space, they respond sharply and quickly to others in a judgmental manner that is condescending. They can be uptight, impatient, and preachy. They project their perfectionism on others and have incredibly high expectations of themselves and others.   Type 1's are considered thinking repressed because they act out of their moralistic need to do the "right" thing first. But, unfortunately, they do this before they think through what is their responsibility and what isn't.   You might be a Type 1 if you: Are naturally good at making improvements on things that already exist Feel as if you live with a judge inside your head that is highly critical of you Tend to see the world as black and white Find that your principles and ideals are very important to you   Have a coworker who might be a Type 1? You can care for that person by: Understanding that they have a harsh judge in their heads and sometimes their criticality comes from their expectations of themselves, not of you Enlisting their help when something needs improvement Encouraging them to let go of their high expectations, especially if they are unrealistic     Type 2: The Helper   Those who are a Type 2 on the Enneagram are motivated by the need to feel needed. When they were younger, they felt loved and accepted when they met other people's needs. This led to a significant role reversal in which the child took on parental duties. Often, their needs were overlooked, so they began to believe their needs were unimportant.   At their best, people who are Type 2 are genuine and loving. They are aware of others' needs and are willing to meet them without ulterior motives. They are also good at voicing their own needs. They are warm, relational, intuitive, and quick to show compassion. They have healthy boundaries and are aware when they have helped enough.   Type 2's can obsess about their relationships when they are in average space. They begin to define themselves by them. They "people-please" to gain relational equity and flatter others with the hope of being flattered in return. However, they fear that whatever they are doing is not enough.   In an unhealthy space, 2's are prideful about what they do for others. They think that their ability to help makes them better than others. They also take on a "savior" role in people's lives and begin to attach themselves to those that are "needy." They can be intrusive, demanding, manipulative and annoying. Finally, they become angry if their help isn't accepted.   Type 2's are considered thinking repressed because they usually sense or feel how others are doing first, then act on their feelings, before thinking through whether or not their help is needed or wanted.   You might be a type 2 if you: Upon entering a room, you think about the needs of the people in the room before anything else Spend a lot of time thinking about other people and your relationship with them Are highly attuned to your feelings and comfortable expressing them Realize that sometimes you are pleasing people to win them over   Have a coworker who might be a Type 2? You can care for that person by: Asking them about their needs and encouraging them to express them Showing genuine concern and care for them, especially when it's not in response to something they just did to help you Not taking advantage of their willingness to help by asking them to do too much   Type 6: The Loyalist   Those who are a Type 6 on the Enneagram need safety and security. They often came from unpredictable or unsafe environments as children. This leads them to believe that the world is dangerous and scary, and they have trouble trusting that they can keep themselves safe.   At their best, Type 6's are very loyal friends. Once they trust someone, they are committed to their relationship with that person. Highly inquisitive and thoughtful in their question-asking, 6's love defining things and are the most dependable people you know. They are good planners and quick thinkers. They also have courage when it comes to new and unpredictable situations.   Type 6's are uncertain of themselves when they are in average space. They get stuck in spiraling thought patterns in their heads, leading to increased anxiety and fear. Because they don't trust themselves, they either blindly follow authority figures or rebel against them.   In unhealthy spaces, 6's can exhibit paranoia and debilitating anxiety. They can also be pessimistic, anticipating the worst-case scenario in any situation. They are highly skeptical of others. Type 6's can exhibit their fears as highly aggressive in response.   Type 6's are big thinkers. They need to think through situations before they occur. However, due to their anxiety about security, their thoughts can spiral in a way that keeps them repeating thought patterns without taking any action.   You might be a Type 6 if you: Are good at anticipating many different scenarios and planning for each of them Find you wait for people to "earn" your trust before you become their friend Seem to battle a lot of anxiety about what could happen Don't like having a lot of responsibility, especially in situations that require a lot of decision making   Have a coworker who might be a Type 6? You can care for that person by: Listening to them when they need to talk about the things that make them anxious Not dismissing them when they are standoffish, especially if it's in a first meeting Giving them all the information that you have about a task that you are asking them to complete, then patiently answering all their questions   If you felt uncomfortable while reading about the 1, 2, or 6, then perhaps that number describes you. Once you identify this, please reach out, and we can dive deeper into the number that might represent you.   Identifying and learning about your number is a noble task and not an easy one. It can feel confusing and downright off-putting at first. However, as you continue to observe yourself through the lens of the Enneagram and begin to understand more about yourself, you will grow in compassion and empathy toward yourself, which will impact those around you.   It's a journey worth taking.   Need more?  Listen to Ashley's podcast interview about the Enneagram. Check out our YouTube and LinkedIn pages for more encouraging content.   If you’re looking to take your growth as a leader to the next level, we’ve got you covered. Join the Impact of Leadership Community today!

A Common Scenario You walk out of the meeting, shaking your head. You feel overwhelmed and frustrated, but you're not sure why. You just know that you're tired of these meetings always making you feel the same way: angry.   So, what could've happened here?   Any number of things. Maybe some of these resonate with you:   You were given a list of arbitrary tasks that don't seem to have an order. There was no plan, or if there was, someone didn't follow it. And so, it felt like nothing was accomplished. You didn't receive clear expectations. You were asked to do something that you weren't expecting to be asked to do. You had a significant accomplishment that wasn't recognized.   And the list goes on.   These are ordinary, annoying things that happen to most people in meetings. So naturally, they cause frustration, but what if you could pinpoint what made you feel that way and why?   What if you could figure out why you keep hitting your head against a brick wall in these meetings while other co-workers seem fine or may even be responding positively?   You can.   Know Thyself  Self-awareness is the ability to see outside oneself. It's like watching yourself interact with others, like sitting in a theater watching a movie. You see yourself behaving a certain way, and then you stop and ask yourself, why did I do that? Or what caused me to feel that way?   Let's take the list from above and pinpoint some possible reasons these things frustrated you:   You like to prioritize and make sure that the most crucial thing is addressed first. You value your time and don't like when it feels wasted. Without clear expectations, you feel like you risk failure. You already divvied out your day according to your task list. As a result, you don't have the additional time and energy for tasks you weren't expecting. You feel valued when people notice the work that you're doing.   These may seem simple, but knowing and understanding ourselves and why we respond the way we do has a massive impact on how we work with others. And how well we lead others.   If your co-workers know that you like to operate from a clearly ordered task list, they can be mindful of that when they assign tasks to you. Likewise, suppose you know that you don't have enough energy for an additional assignment. In that case, you can ask if anyone else might have the capacity to take it on. Or request a deadline that allows you the space you need.   Start Here So how do we start to see ourselves from the outside vantage point?    Here are a couple of ways to get going:   Take time to note when you feel frustrated, afraid, or anxious, and begin writing down why that might be. Is this a pattern that you've noticed? Talk to someone close to you that you trust. A great question to start with is, how are you experiencing me? Consider meeting with a Life Coach. With a coach, you will have space to talk through what you're experiencing and begin to pinpoint things you notice about yourself. Seek personality tools that give you language for your behavior. My favorite by far is the Enneagram which highlights both the good and the complex parts about a person's personality and what motivates a person.   In some cases, the more you learn about yourself, the more you'll find yourself interested in knowing other people. (Why does he seem so frustrated when he leaves these meetings?) You start to ask questions and begin working on a culture that considers who each person is and what they need before assigning the work.   Then more things get done and get done well. And maybe, just maybe, you even start to enjoy those meetings.   Need more?  Read about IOL’s 1st guest contributor Ashley Buenger Check out the IOL Community Groups to connect with like-minded leaders! Go to our YouTube and LinkedIn pages for more encouraging content.