Leaders Need Time To Rest & Recover

It’s Not Silly Remember being young and encountering something truly great for the first time? It could’ve been the triumphant efforts of a beautifully orchestrated football team with a valiant and skilled leader at the forefront. It could’ve been the sound of a live band, each player adding their instrument to a harmonized masterpiece. It could’ve been a really good book that made you feel a bushel-full of emotions for characters that came to life. Or it could’ve been a paintball player, demonstrating agility and tact with ease while splattering vibrant colors all over opponents.   For Kevin Fillers, CFO of Major League Paintball, it was the paintball that dazzled him when he was young. Kevin was in middle school when he decided that he wanted to become a professional paintball player. He began to voice his dreams to his parents. Instead of squashing them as most parents tend to unwittingly do, (myself included) they gave his dream wings, helping him to think critically about what he would need in life to become a professional paintball player and encouraging him to clarify how to get there.   With their help and guidance, Kevin successfully played professional paintball for quite a few years. Eventually, he realized it wasn’t sustainable and he decided to get his CPA instead. What he didn’t anticipate was that Major League Paintball would come knocking on his door years later asking that he work for them. He says, with a smirk in his voice, there just weren’t many other former professional players with a CPA who could both understand the sport and handle the financial accounts. His dream became a reality in a way he hadn’t anticipated.   My childhood dream was to become a writer. I was stunned by young adult novels. I wanted to weave words together and bring characters to life, offering unique perspectives on mundane moments. I wanted to write fiction and successfully sell novels. I even got a very expensive degree in writing because I was lucky enough to have parents who supported my dreams. My novel isn’t on shelves yet, but I’m not dead yet, either.   I could wax poetic on this topic all day. I love talking about unrealized dreams and pushing people in the direction of their own. I firmly believe they are planted in us for a reason. However, like Patrick mentioned on the IOL Podcast episode with Kevin, what do we do when our dreams are, “to become an NFL player” (like Young Patrick and my 8yo son) or “to become an actress” (me, age 13) and they go unmet as most unrealistic childhood dreams often do?   Good question.   Allow me to explain by way of these 3 important points on how to pursue your childhood dream, the one that is true, the one that is realistic.   IDENTIFY & CLARIFY YOUR DREAM: The novelty of Kevin’s accomplishment was not so much the dream itself but the way he chose to pursue it. Once he identified it, his parents helped forge a plan for how to get there. They also reminded him what he wanted when he forgot. Step by step he pursued his dream in the direction he needed to go. Now that we are older, we have the added advantage of looking back at our younger selves and identifying what has stuck. Playing music? Building things? Gathering people and feeding them? Whatever it is, you know it by the way it feels when you do it. If the time flies and you walk away from that activity feeling lighter, perhaps it’s something worth pursuing. Identify and clarify what it is you like to do and want to do. It may also be that thing you keep telling yourself you “can’t possibly do.” You can. That’s the thing. It’s not silly.   ACCEPT THE WINDING ROAD: Once Kevin accomplished his dream of playing professional paintball, he quickly realized that it wasn’t sustainable. Yet, his path led back to paintball in a way he could not have imagined. Now, he spends most of his days immersed in something that he loves, doing work that is sustainable. Our dreams may change, evolve and take on new forms but if we continue forward instead of giving up, we may end up accomplishing more than we could have ever imagined. My favorite author took a very conventional path to her success, getting all the right degrees at all the right schools and following that up with a proper writing fellowship. Even she says that half of that was unnecessary in landing her where she is today. She cites waitressing as being one of the most influential jobs she had for her writing career.   ASK FOR HELP AND BE QUICK TO HELP OTHERS: Just like when we were younger, we cannot accomplish our dreams on our own. We need the help and support of friends or those around us to push us, to remind us what we want, ask hard questions and to help us figure out how the heck to make it happen. We can also help others. If we see something in someone—a spark, a light, a passion—we should call it out. That can be as simple as asking the person about it, engaging with them and encouraging them to take the next step. That’s what a leader does—sees things that others cannot and takes risks in ways that others won’t. Let your tenacity rub off.   The bottom-line? Pursuing your dreams, like most things in life worth doing, won’t be easy. It may not even lead to a full-time job that is sustainable, but who knows? It might, or it may lead to a lucrative side hustle. You’ll also get to spend more hours of your life doing something you love. So let this be your time. Do the thing you’ve been wanting to do that you’ve been too scared to do.   ###   This post is based on the IOL Podcast episode #148: Pushing the Boulder Up the Mountain with Kevin Fillers. Check it out.   This blog was written by Ashley Beunger  

Leadership Leaves Scars But it’s worth it   I got my biggest and most prominent scar when I was 12 years old. My dad and I were helping a neighbor move a large tree that had fallen during a colossal thunderstorm. My Dad tied one end of a rope around the trunk of the tree and the other end to a stake that he began driving into the ground with a sledgehammer. As I watched my dad swinging that hammer, his hair blowing in the wind, his muscles visible with each blow, I decided he looked just like Thor swinging his hammer, Mjolnir.   I wanted to be like that.   Once my dad took a break, I hastily grabbed the hammer, mumbled something to the effect of, “I got this” and proceeded to bring the hammer down on my right index finger on top of the stake. I’ll spare you the gory details but there was an ER visit and many stitches.   Today, the scar reminds me of one of the very first times I tried to lead and got a scar. Little did I know at that time that there would be many more to come, mostly emotional and mental.   Leadership is hard. Leading others well is risky. It means taking the chance that things could go poorly, or failure could happen, people could be hurt, or you could be hurt.   But it’s worth it.   I have many more scars now, ones that I’m very proud of because it means that I took the risks I needed to in business. I stepped up to the plate, I got into the ring, I lifted Mjolinor and I tried.   I’ve noticed a lot of the scars I have fall into one of these three categories:   SCARS from unfair assumptions Sometimes people see you as the “leader” or the “boss” and immediately begin to assume things about you. These are not based on anything personal, which is actually what makes the scars here so deep sometimes. I bear the burden of these assumptions without having done anything in the first place.  Here are some of the unfair assumptions I have encountered from people I lead simply because I am the boss. They assume that: I am not trustworthy I should be perfect I should know exactly what moves to make in business at all times I should make sure that nothing bad happens I should know what my employees need or want without being told I should always be available These assumptions largely come from some employee’s past experiences. They end up showing up as resentment, poor attitudes or gossip. Sometimes my employees don’t even realize that they have these assumptions until we sit down to have a conversation. Luckily, once we talk, we can usually sort out what’s unfair and unreal versus what’s real. SCARS from my emotional reactions This one is self-inflicted. It comes from my reactions or over-reactions to problems, surprises or mistakes. It’s when I don’t bite my tongue and end up saying something rude or out of anger that I don’t mean. Luckily, many people give me grace when this happens, especially once I realize my mistake and apologize, but I can still leave scars on myself or others. Over the years, I have learned to be more self-controlled, especially when things don’t go the way I had hoped. Less abrupt reactions, means less scars. SCARS from broken trust A lot of leaders have these. It just comes with the territory of leading people. It happens when a leader gives an employee a freedom, a responsibility or shares confidential information and that person chooses to either take advantage of the freedom, is irresponsible or breaks that confidence. It’s part of being human but it still hurts. Leaders can do those things as well. The most important thing about this scar is to make sure that it doesn’t cause a bitter root in your heart.     The best leaders are the ones that share honestly about their failures and struggles.