It’s not what you know, it’s who you know. That phrase has become so commonplace it’s almost like white noise. She got that first interview because of who she knew, he scored that big promotion because of who he knew, they got that recommendation because of who they know, we won the award because of who we know.
Sometimes this phrase is uttered with a sardonic undertone, as if who you know somehow isn’t as important as what you know. As if because you know someone, you were given something you don’t deserve. It sometimes seems that what you know should be more important than who you know.
However, as evidence shows, it’s not.
We can’t ignore the fact that we operate in relation to one another. Our relationships are the most important thing. With our spouses, our children, our friends, our co-workers, our bosses. We are relational people who build systems, groups and businesses around one another, for one another, with another and because of one another.
Steve Kohlmann, Executive Director of the Independent Business Association of Wisconsin, has spent years watching people connect, grow and succeed because of one another. He says that leaving a legacy looks a lot like helping one another. It doesn’t matter if two people are even in business in the same field, they can still offer one another support, perspective, recommendations and more. Business is an ecosystem and it’s best to get as connected as possible.
This doesn’t mean you have to join five networking groups, spend your weeknights at social mixers, or sign up for pricey country clubs. Though, those things don’t hurt. You can start simpler. Consider the following:
It’s not a dog-eat-dog world out there. It’s a dog HELP dog world. Even if you’re in a cutthroat industry, don’t let the social media or the news tell you otherwise. You don’t have to put others down to lift yourself help. Instead, lift others up and they will also lift you. Kindness and generosity will get you much farther than malice and greed. Though the latter makes for better television, I’ll admit. But this is real life so be kind.
Small or large, make connections wherever you go. Smile and introduce yourself to people you don’t know. Ask other people questions about themselves, they love that. Whether it’s in a business context or simply in line at the grocery store, get good at being friendly and interested in others. Eventually this will become more natural, and you will realize that you are quite connected in various aspects of your life. You never know when these connections will come in handy. One random day, for instance, you’ll learn that so and so’s sister’s friend needs your business or that so and so’s sister’s friend has something that you need. Ah, there it is, symbiosis.
We sometimes have an innate fear of meeting new people. This comes from the fact that most of us have been hurt by someone somewhere along the way. It could’ve been a past hurt by a friend, business partner or an ex-girlfriend. It was probably someone that we trusted, so the hurt can run deep. Don’t let that hurt keep you from believing the best in others. Start new relationships anyway. Make new connections despite the fear. Don’t lead with suspicion or judgment, most people can sniff that out. Instead, be confident and courageous. The payoffs of forging new friendships are far greater than the risks.
A business networking group such as IBAW might be a great fit for you. Remember, as Steve Kohlmann says, it’s much like a gym membership, you get out what you put in. Just like you can’t sign up for the Y and expect a six-pack to simply appear, you can’t sign up for a networking group and expect to feel connected, you must show up and give of your time and energy. But, also like that six-pack, put in the work and the pay-off is worth it.
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This post is based on the IOL Podcast #164: The Power of Perspective Over Advice with Steve Kohlmann. Check it out!
Author: Ashley Buenger
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