Laugh, Cry, or Punch A Hole Through The Wall

  1. Share
0 0

The hit tv show, The Office, often imitates true office culture. In one episode of The Office, Jim Halpert (John Krasinski) becomes frustrated with his coworker's, Andy Bernard (Ed Helms), need for attention. As a prank, Jim takes Andy’s cell phone and hides it above the office area in the ceiling. Andy's cell phone has the ring tone sound of himself singing all four quartet parts to the song “Rockin’ Robin”. The phone keeps getting called but Andy can’t find his phone anywhere. Andy’s anger builds more and more throughout the episode. Andy has been trying to build a closer friendship with his boss, Michael Scott (Steve Carell) but it created more of an awkwardness instead. Andy approaches Michael about hanging out together on Saturday but it back fires. Michael finally pops and says “No! Stop it! You are going to drive me crazy.” Andy is shocked and offended that Michael is rejecting his bromance love for him. Jim decides to make another call to Andy’s cell phone right after this happens. Andy hears the ring tone which causes him to lecture the entire office staff how it is not funny to mess with people’s stuff. Andy turns around, yells loudly in frustration and punches a hole through the wall with his fist. The office is stunned, and Jim hangs up the phone in disbelief of Andy’s actions. Andy tries to cover up his actions by saying “That was an overreaction. I’m going to the breakroom. Pam, do you need anything? Ok.”

 

I hope that no one has experienced this exact situation in the office. As a leader, you might have overreacted or you saw someone else do so. My blog title is saying that we all handle stress in different ways. Some people find crying is a way to release the tension they feel. It’s okay to cry. My wife cries when she is feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. Some might laugh because the stress is heavy and it feels like more is piling up. It’s a way to say “Did this just happen?” or  “Now this too?!”  Again, it’s a way to release the stress. Lastly, I think some leaders need to express their stress with physicalness. This needs to be done in a controlled environment. All three must be done with boundaries and self-control. The TV episode above showed how Andy did not have self-control.

 

What leads to someone flipping out? I think there are several reasons but ultimately a lack of self-control is the problem. Self-control is defined by Merriam-Webster as “restraint exercised over one’s own impulses, emotions, or desires.” Why is self-control so important as a leader? How can we be sure we show it to our team? I am going to give some tips and explanations to why self-control is critical for a good leader.

 

 

Quick To Listen, Slow To Speak

This is a phrase that I’ve learned in Sunday School and from many counselors. It’s important to listen to the person and understand the why behind their view. It does not mean you have to agree with that person but it’s important to listen. Sometimes an overreaction will happen because of a knee jerk reaction to the moment. I’ve had plenty of these in my life and many did not make the situation better. Taking time to process the moment, holding off on saying words, can actually give you the advantage to not respond foolishly. I am not saying you can’t respond with your initial thoughts but be sure you give it time to process. Emotions are great but they need to be controlled.  This is a great way for a leader to show self-control.

 

 

 

Call A Time Out

It’s okay to say you need time to process the situation. You can call a time out when you feel your emotions are about to take over. I do not suggest just walking out of the room. That could cause more damage to the situation. Instead, tell the person that this is a lot of information and you need some time to process. I would not let the person leave without knowing when you plan on getting back to them with a response. The key is knowing when you are feeling your emotions start to take over. You will not regret having more time to process but you will regret acting out of anger in the moment.

 

 

Phone A Friend

It’s good to take time to talk through the situation with someone that is not at your company but also a leader. This could be your spouse, a mentor, business leader, etc. Find someone that you are not gossiping with but a person who will be 100% honest with you. Be sure you aren’t finding people that will just side with you because of your friendship. I think talking through the situation with someone not at your company can help avoid a conflict of interest. This is similar to when you are taking a time out but instead of doing internal processing, you are now seeking external advice.

 

Handling stress is a very difficult thing for all of us. Leaders are called to be better than most because people are following our behavior. More is caught than taught. I think it’s normal to want to laugh, cry or punch a hole through the wall when things become stressful. I hope this blog gives you some encouragement and positive tips on how to navigate through stressful moments with self-control. 

 

Need more? 

Check out the IOL Community Groups to connect with like-minded leaders!

Go to our YouTube and LinkedIn pages for more encouraging content.  

If you're looking to take your growth as a leader to the next level, we've got you covered. Join the Impact of Leadership Community today!

Community tags

This content has 0 tags that match your profile.

Comments

To leave a comment, login or sign up.

Related Content

0
Whoops! On Making Mistakes
Whoops! On Making Mistakes   I was working as an intern at a Public Relations and Marketing firm during my final year of college. I was tasked with creating an Excel document that showed one of our biggest clients how valuable our services were. It showed them, in dollars, how effectively we had carried out their campaign.   After compiling and calculating all that we had done, I discovered our final ROI number had six figures! My boss was elated. We celebrated with Guinness beers around the conference table, toasting to the fruit of our hard work.   A day later, my boss came back to me with the document and showed me an error I had made. In creating the Excel formula, I had accidentally doubled the final number. The ROI was a much more modest number, not six figures.   I still cringe thinking about that disappointment.   The highlight of the story, however, is that my boss was incredibly gracious and kind. She had every right to be angry. She was the one with egg on her face in front of the client. She  was the one who sat there while they pointed out that the math didn’t quite add up. Instead of passive aggressively taking me off additional projects or relegating me to endless Excel trainings, she calmly showed me the error and we talked about how to avoid it in the future. She continued to trust me and allow me to do work that was valuable to the firm.   This was the greater lesson to me—her excellent leadership. Not only did she handle my mistake with kindness, but she also gave me the space to learn from it. I worked much harder after that, double checking and rechecking the documents I created.   Over the years, I have come to see that these are some of the most important moments in leadership. These are the moments that define a leader, a company and a culture. A good leader chooses to teach and guide an employee in the face of an honest mistake instead of addressing it with frustration, ignoring it, or letting it impact that employee’s position in the company.  A good leader even turns that mistake into a very important opportunity.   Here are 3 quick tips on how to be a good leader in the face of others’ mistakes:   Don’t be surprised: People are human, mistakes are going to happen. There is no avoiding them. This is especially important for those of us who strive for perfection and think it is attainable. We must learn that no amount of planning, preparation or hard work is going to keep mistakes from happening. They are a fact of life and everyone makes them. I’ll say that again for those in the back. EVERYONE makes them.   Instead of treating mistakes like a nuisance, like a boulder in the middle of the road, or a stain on your favorite shirt, treat them like a welcome family member at a dinner party. They are good. They are necessary, and they will make your employees, and your company grow. They teach us important things and lead us places we did not even know we wanted to go. Let’s embrace them instead.   When they happen, handle them with tact. It’s best to address mistakes in private with the employee directly. Do it quickly and with discretion. Communicate what happened, any consequences of the mistake and the handling of them, and how it could be an opportunity for growth and change.   If it’s necessary to communicate with the entire team about the mistake, do so with thoughtfulness. Don’t forget to address the possibilities it has created or the positive outcomes. Be honest and open, but remember you frame the narrative. Think about what you are creating and how you want to lead through this, then choose your words, body language, and message accordingly.   Hold people accountable, coach them toward understanding and growth. Remember that mistakes are a part of growth so they should be welcomed and, in some cases, even embraced. Make sure you are not ignoring or avoiding them. Accountability is necessary. If the same mistake is being made over and over, that needs addressing. There will be no growth or learning if employees are not held accountable for their actions.   Remember that the same mistake might be made twice, coaching and leading requires a lot of patience, especially when working with employees who operate quite differently than you do. Bring in help from outside leaders or other coaches if needed. Notice pain points among your team where there might be a lot of mistakes being made. Large group training and coaching can also be helpful.   It may go without saying, but how you handle your own mistakes will say a lot about how you handle others’ mistakes. When you mess up, if you are quick to dust yourself off and try again, then you are more likely to have that same attitude with your employees. If you are hard on yourself, berate yourself and wallow in the failure, then you may have more trouble giving others space to make mistakes.   Consider these things and may you be the best leader you can be.   ###   This post is based on the IOL Podcast Episode #159: Embracing Economic Growth with Nicole Ryf. Listen for lots of good takeaways including more on leading through mistakes.   This blog was written by Ashley Buenger
0
Are You A MULTIPLIER or DEMINISHER Leader?
Last Friday, I was able to attend a leadership conference with several of my leaders. We were able to hear several speakers focus on leadership and how to inspire our teams. There was one speaker that really made an impact on me because her message got me to think about how my leadership could be inspiring or draining my team.   The speaker was Liz Wiseman and her book is titled MULTIPLIERS.   Have you ever been overworked & under utilized?   How did that make you feel? Frustrated Annoyed Drained Exhausted Unfulfilled   Your leadership style can MULTIPLE or DEMINISH your people’s efforts. All leaders want employees to give 100% in their jobs. Your leadership will make an impact on our team's effort to be 100% or less.   A leader who overworks and underutilizes their team will see the effort of the employee drop to 30-40%.   An employee’s effort changes when they know their boss believes in them. It’s easy to think of the bad boss who was a control freak, gossiper, full of double standards who drained you as a DEMINISHER LEADER.   But what if you are an ACCIDENTAL DEMNISHER?   WHOA! That hit me between the eyes and got me to stop in my tracks. I had to think “AM I THAT GUY?!”   An ACCIDENTAL DEMNISHER has the best of intentions but does diminish their people.   The tendencies of an ACCIDENTAL DEMINISHER: Ideas Fountain – you overwhelm others with too many ideas. Always On – your energy causes others to stay quiet. Rescuer – your team doesn’t learn on their own how-to problem solve. Pacesetter – your team waits and watches you engage. Rapid Responder – your team waits for you to jump in and solve the issues. Optimist – you don’t acknowledge or listen to the issues. Protector – you make excuses instead of holding people accountable. Strategist – you can give the full plan without having your team come up with ideas. Perfectionist – you want the work to be the best, so you criticize and critique so much the team gives up.   What kind of leader do you want to be known as?   Take time to read Liz Wiseman’s book, MULTIPLIERS, and make sure you are the leader that everyone wants to follow!   Audio: https://www.amazon.com/Multipliers-Revised-and-Updated-audiobook/dp/B06XXZSZRJ/ref=sr_1_1?hvadid=604609652288&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9052487&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=17365522108645842312&hvtargid=kwd-299835749748&hydadcr=22563_13493224&keywords=liz+wiseman+multipliers&qid=1697425723&s=books&sr=1-1   Hardcover: https://www.amazon.com/Multipliers-Revised-Updated-Leaders-Everyone/dp/0062663070/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1697425723&sr=1-1 No one is perfect so let’s be real on where we fail and how we have grown from our mistakes.   Nothing changes, if nothing changes.   You are not alone, we want to engage with you.   Reach out to me directly [email protected] if I can be of any help.   *JOIN CCB TECHNOLOGY FOR A LIVE IT SECURITY EVENT ON MARCH 19TH* https://ccbtechnology.com/security-summit/ Register HERE Use discount code: Save50 – This will give you a $50 discount at registration.