Leaders Need Time To Rest & Recover

Quieting the judge in your head   Disney specializes in taking serious and heavy concepts and making them light and funny. It was no surprise to see this one played out on the screen as I watched the movie, Luca, in my living room next to my sons.   In the movie, the main character is a sea creature who decides he’d rather live amongst the humans on land. He begins to discover the joys of life with feet instead of fins. In doing so, he finds himself sitting atop a large hill in Italy on a homemade Vespa, staring down at the bottom. He knows that should he choose to ride down the hill, he will feel freedom and joy, but instead, he sits at the top, paralyzed by fear. His good friend, Alberto, teaches him how to silence the fear inside of him by talking back to it and giving it a name. He offers this catchy command, “Silenzio, Bruno!” and tells Luca he should use it whenever he feels afraid. Luca repeats the mantra and off he goes down the hill, on the joyride of his life.   As you can guess, the movie continues with Luca powerfully wielding that phrase, “Silenzio, Bruno!” whenever he faces a new challenge. Thanks to its use, he becomes the courageous hero of the story instead of a cowardly failure. Bravo, Disney.   Let’s talk about this Bruno. We all have a Bruno.   It’s that little voice inside that criticizes you, especially when you’re facing something new and exciting like a promotion, or something uncertain, like a merger. It tells you that you’re not good enough or you don’t belong where you are. It says that everyone else has figured it out and you haven’t or that there’s no way you will succeed. It keeps you sitting atop the hill on your beautiful Vespa instead of taking a risk and soaring down.   How sad it would be to never ride down hills.   Bruno must be silenced.   Steve Black, Senior Human Resources Manager and Partner at Brixey & Meyer calls this voice The Judge. He says The Judge is an expert at telling crippling lies to us that are rooted in fear instead of reality. It speaks in first person and says things like, “I don’t know what I’m talking about,” or “Nobody understands what I’m going through,” or “What if nobody likes this?” It focuses on common fears, such as: People pleasing Losing security Being uncomfortable These fears motivate decisions and often hold leaders back from the God-given potential they have. It keeps leaders at the top of the hill instead of soaring down toward their next big accomplishment.   Steve offers 3 powerful ways to silence The Judge in your head, unmask the fear underneath, and fulfill your potential as a leader.   Recognize the voice of The Judge: In the movie, Luca gives The Judge in his head a name, Bruno. In doing this, he separates himself from Bruno. Once he does that, he can identify when its Bruno in his head instead of himself. He begins to recognize the feeling of fear and what Bruno is saying when he feels afraid. It becomes clear that Bruno is a liar and a saboteur, keeping Luca from fulfilling his calling. Bruno, however, disappears whenever Luca responds with “Silenzio!”   Talk Back to The Judge: Luca told Bruno to be quiet. “Silenzio!” It was strong and quick and had immediate positive results. Unfortunately, it’s not that easy, thanks Disney. We must talk to The Judge over and over. It’ll feel weird at first, but Steve says it just takes practice. You have to say concrete things like, “I am good at this. I can do this. I have been given what I need to be successful. I am not alone.” Once you recognize The Judge, don’t let it keep talking, silence it!     Live it Out: This takes practice and will feel hard at first. You may begin to identify The Judge and feel as if you are powerless to stand up against it. Don’t stop trying. Steve talks about the ability to stand up to The Judge like a person who is attempting to become a runner. Starting is painful and frustrating but little by little, you get better, stronger, faster and healthier. Pretty soon, you can look back and see the progress you’ve made. Steve calls this, creating habits of the mind. He also offers a few practical other things to do if The Judge is seems to be winning.   If you are in the middle of a conversation and you begin to spiral into fear or discouragement, divert it away from yourself. Ask the other person a question. Curiosity triggers a new part of the brain and can help you navigate out of the fear. Rub your forefinger and thumb together. Feeling your fingerprints  engages the senses and sparks a different part of your brain. Take deep breaths. This slows the heart and clears your mind, grounding your thoughts and calming your nervous system. Consider journaling on a regular basis so you can begin to see patterns that might help you identify The Judge and the common phrases it says to you.   Though it’s a battle in your own mind, you don’t have to do it alone. Partner with another leader. Talk to that person about The Judge, listen to his or her struggles, and agree to help one another. It’s hard to be vulnerable at first, but don’t stop. Reach out to us at IOL. We’re here to listen, help and get you connected. ###   This post is based on the IOL Podcast #168: Leadership Common Fears with Steve Black. Check it out!              Author: Ashley Buenger           

What coaching football has taught me                 I remember looking out at my team of seven- & eight-year-olds the first night we huddled after practice and wondered what in the world I had just signed up for. Until that reality check, I had been admittedly, envisioning famous movie scenes of football glory.  I had thoughts of Coach Yoast’s sideline speech from Remember the Titans and the Clear Eyes Anthem from Friday Night Lights. I had completely overlooked the hard work, patience and dedication it took to coach a team of children. Much less, the despair that came with losing, which was inevitable in the game of football. As I zipped the orange practice cones into my duffel, I realized that I was going to have to muster some courage to give this thing a fighting try. For the sake of those boys, if anything.   Now, I can see how much of what I learned as a coach actually also applies in the business world. Coaching, like leading a business, is often associated with a whole lot of glory and not a lot of actual hard work, sweat and tears.   Most of the moments of coaching are hard ones. Teaching kids requires mind-numbing repetition, breaking concepts down to their simplest forms, dedication, and tons of patience as their attention spans seem to be getting shorter and shorter these days. I won’t say it went well all the time, but it had its glory moments. Even small ones, mostly small ones.   Like the time one of the boys had never tackled a dummy before. Each time it was his turn to do so, he would run up but then freeze in fear. It wasn’t until I demonstrated tackling the dummy that he found the courage to do the same. That night I went home feeling like I had just won something. I had helped a player overcome a paralyzing fear. That meant something to me. That was a glory moment, making all the hard stuff worth it. Just like running a business.   Here’s a couple things I learned coaching that helped me better understand how to lead my business:   You can’t just sit on the sidelines: The game requires 100% of your attention all the time. From the sidelines, you have to be constantly strategizing, calling new plays, and maintaining cool under pressure. I had to learn to control my emotions as I watched my team triumph and fail knowing that I couldn’t do the work for them. Instead, I had to teach them how to do it. I couldn’t explain concepts just once and then hope they got it. I had to get in the dirt to show them, then watch them do it, explain it again, and watch again, until I knew they knew what they were doing and could execute plays with confidence. Leaders teach their team how to execute business strategies the same way. It usually looks like getting in the dirt and pushing that tackle dummy around for awhile until the team finally gets it. There’s no such thing as explaining something once and then watching from the sideline.   Lead from the front: You have to position yourself as the leader,  the one your team looks to and trusts. Your team needs you to be the one who knows how to get the job done, to make the large strategic decisions, to see what’s coming and plan for it, and to take responsibility when things go well and when they don’t. Kids on a football team look to the coach. The coach knows what to do, how to do it and how to win. Without a coach, the team is chaos, running around like wild animals on the field. That won’t win any games. If a leader sits at their desk all day, is generally disengaged or absent from the innerworkings of the team, doesn’t take responsibility, and doesn’t develop trust with their team, then the team is chaos, running around being unproductive. That won’t lead to success.   Understand its hard work: Playing football is hard work. No one shows up to games, having never practiced and expects to win. Business is similar. No one wakes up each morning and simply succeeds. There are practices in the driving rain, and there are practices in the beautiful sunshine. There are plays that get perfectly executed and there are plays that just stink. The point is that the team works together, learns together and commits to the hard work together. When things don’t work out, no one leaves or walks off the field. Instead, they get to work, to be better, stronger and faster.   Working together as a team: Lastly, it’s the team mentality that’s a real winner. It’s not really about winning although it still kinda is, of course. But the true beauty comes when teammates begin to work together as a team. That means they anticipate each other’s movements, they figure out how to help one another, they each take turns scoring touchdowns, they celebrate wins together and band together after loses, knowing there will be more wins on the horizon. The true glory for a coach is not the score, it’s the team working together.   Coaching football, like leading a business, is not for everyone. Some people, like me, find themselves staring down into the expectant faces of their team and realize they had no idea what they signed up for. And if they had known ahead of time, they wouldn’t have signed up. I have to say though, like coaching, leading a business is worth it. At the end of the day, the rewards are far greater than the challenges.